When To Quit A Job (or Not)
The Question
I recently got a job that I have underperformed in. I underperformed due to changes in my medication that caused a super depressive state where I could barely keep my eyes open. I’m being honest, I’d say that I didn’t really respect the opportunity initially. However, I am disabled by this mental illness, and indicated that on my application. So they cannot outright fire me, I think. I want this to be an opportunity to actually fight through this mental illness and recover. Regardless, I’m worried that I have been fast-tracked to becoming a technician instead of an actual engineer, and that’s pretty whack. I am worried that they are going to make working there unpleasant to the point that I no longer want to. However, I’m hoping that I can just put in extra effort and work hard and people will notice and put me back on the same program. Should I try hard, stick with the job and fight through it, or is that just going to trap me in a dead-end position, halfway across the planet?
Taurus, he/him/his
The Response
Ok, Taurus, I just want to acknowledge you really quickly. You moved halfway across the world during a pandemic for a new job towards the career you want, and you underperformed? Moving is, like, the #1 most stressful thing a person can do, and you moved halfway around the world! During a pandemic! At a time when you can’t really form a supportive community? Even if you weren’t respecting the opportunity at first, that’s a shit-ton of stress and change to go through in a short amount of time. And then you switched meds? Dude, the last time I switched meds I had withdrawal psychosis and couldn’t feel emotions for three weeks, so, like, I’m proud of you for just showing up.
Depression is an awful monster. It feeds on your insecurities and whispers the worst things in your ear. Honestly, I’d have been surprised if you moved across the world during a pandemic and didn’t have a depressive episode. Don’t be so hard on yourself, there. The pandemic is constantly traumatizing all of us, and because we live in a capitalistic world, our mental health takes a back seat to productivity, which is bullshit.
I hear that you’re worried that you’re now not going to get the track that you want and that they’re going to try and get rid of you passive-aggressively. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling that way, but you should know that there is a simple way out of this!
The Advice
Taurus, all I advise you to do is sit down with your supervisor or boss or whomever and have a conversation about your performance and goals. I’d ask for a meeting, and then preface it by saying, “I want to start by thanking you for this opportunity and the patience you’ve shown as I dealt with my mental illness.” Now, you’re set up to have a more honest conversation!
You articulated a lot of worries in your question. I might rephrase them as goals for yourself in this conversation. Tell your supervisor/boss “I’m really dedicated and interested in becoming an engineer. I know my performance suffered, but I am committed to doing what it takes to become an engineer. What can I do in order to get back on this track?”
Don’t mention that you think they’re going to make it difficult for you to work there. Instead, acknowledge where you messed up and ask what you can do to get back to where you want to be. Then do it, and show them that you’re capable.
However, if your depressive modes are severe enough, you might ask them if there’s a path you can take that allows for the time and space needed for focusing on your mental health. “Pushing through” a depression is really, really hard to do and will have other long-term consequences for your health. Be honest with yourself: are you capable of doing the work they require? Do you want to do that work? Or have you bitten off more than you can chew? It’s okay if it’s too much, and it’s also okay to advocate for yourself and see if there’s a middle ground.
The key here, Taurus, is talking to the people who make decisions about your career, and being honest, and demonstrating your commitment to your own growth. You can do it!
