It’s Time To Leave The Nest
I’m in the process of moving out on my own for the first time, which is scary. I also just lost my best friends because of a big messy situation. I’ve been really struggling with motivation to keep going and not feeling completely alone. Any advice?
Virgo, 21, they/them/theirs
Holy opportunity for growth and change, Batman! Moving out on your own for the first time is really scary, but let me tell you something, as a fellow Virgo, it’s also fucking awesome. You get to walk around without any pants on! You can eat whatever you want whenever you want (I’m partial to extra-toasty cheez-its. It’s my vice)! You can keep odd hours and have dance parties by yourself and do all these amazing things that are considered rude when you have roommates! Oh my goodness, Virgo, I’m telling you — instead of being afraid, get stoked. You have so much to look forward to!
I’ve lived by myself for six years, and, honestly, it’s the best. I’m like a little cave gremlin — I rarely have people over, but I still have a pretty active social life. I love being by myself, and it makes it all the more special when I do have people over.
I’m so sorry about losing your best friends. That’s always really hard, and it’s important to give yourself time to grieve the relationships. Give yourself the time and space to be sad, and to heal. But it will be okay, I promise.
Okay, fellow Virgo, here is my advice for moving out on your own. I’m going to do it in list-form, because obviously:
- Make a list of things to be excited about when it comes to moving out on your own. Yes, my number one piece of advice is making a list. No, you shouldn’t be surprised. This list can have anything on it — from serious to aspirational, silly to practical — get creative!
- Find new local haunts. Look into coffee shops, gyms, yoga studios, bookstores, diners, libraries, whatever — find places nearby where you can start spending more time. This has the added bonus of giving you plenty of opportunities to build new relationships.
- Be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect it to be super easy right off the bat, but don’t overthink and naysay it, either. Losing friendships really, really sucks. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. It’s hard, and sad, and lonely, and a myriad of other emotions. But that’s okay. Your grief is a reflection of the importance of those relationships. If you weren’t upset, I’d be worried.
- Reflect and grow. Use these moments to reflect on your own behavior and the behavior of others. How do you want to show up for people in your life? How do you want people to show up in yours? What values do you want to cultivate in your friendships? Now is the time to take stock of what you’ve learned and make an action plan for moving forward.